Snapchat is my psyche

IMG_9654There’s a lot of pressure I’m putting on myself to make sure that I succeed in my launch into the world of plogcasting (blog + podcasting = plogcasting).  It’s important for me to put out quality content that is true to myself and is worthy of others’ investment.  By now it’s pretty obvious that I don’t know what I’m doing on here or in life in general, but really that’s the whole point of this plogcast, to document my journey of the unknown of my life – of what’s yet to come – and of my innards – of what’s inside my head that freaks me the fuck out.

So, in order for me to get more comfortable with this process, I’ve decided to upload my snapchat stories as they unfold because the filters allow me to tap into the wacky and vulnerable parts of myself that relieves some of the pressure to perform.  I feel more like myself, more authentic, and I feel more comfortable letting myself go and letting others in.

Still, I have so many concerns about my podcast.  For instance, in the format of my podcast, can I swear?? and how much is too much, because I swear a lot, it’s just too much fucking fun.  I also talk to my brain, which can be weird to listen to but also very much about how I relate to the unknown within me.  I like to elaborate made-up scenarios of a potential line of dialogue based on a character that is either an extension of myself or a character of a human archetype that I want to role play.  They won’t always make sense but at least I’m fully committed, and it works.  So for me, that’s enough.  Maybe that’s all I need for this plogcast, to be fully committed and trust that that’s enough. I’m hoping that joining an improv group will help me in this arena… mtbr on that.

IMG_8914I’d like to remove the pressure of having to make sense or be funny all the time, that I’m allowed to be myself in a way that includes being messy, being tangential, being emotional or boring or cynical or optimistic or hypomanic.  I have a wholehearted appreciation and owe a debt of gratitude for those in my life who have chosen to invest their time into listening/reading.  With their support – with your support – I feel unstoppable because I feel heard and held.  I don’t feel judged.  I feel accepted to be a complete human person without ascribing to a particular way or style that is more “mainstream.” Fuck mainstream! I want underground, gritty and raunchy and REAL.  That’s why I’m here, that’s the whole point.

So case and point, do I record my podcasts as organic as I’m typing this now? Or do I have some sort of script? Even as I type, I know that I have the privilege to delete and edit as I please (please note, there will be errors like there will be blood), much like a scripted podcast.  The thing is, I’m not entirely sure how I’d like to edit/change what I record in one sitting.  I kinda like the format of keeping it real, but I’m also aware that I’ll need to keep track of time and eventually circle back to the point I was trying to make in the episode that I’m airing.  Even then, the idea of “more to be revealed” is that there’s enough time and space to get to my point across in another blog post or podcast episode.  My hope is that something I reveal intrigues you enough to continue listening or reading, but more importantly, to embolden you to think, feel, do, pause and just be in your own mind, body, and life.

…mtbr…


Awesomekulky wants to hear form you! Drop her a line on snapchat or twitter, or leave a comment on her blog. She thanks you for subscribing, rating, and reviewing her mtbr podcast. Show her your support and, more importantly, connect with her and keep her on the air.

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